13/3/2013

Just found out it's common for people with the same condition as me to experience memory loss.
I, for once, can only recall fragments of memories from my childhood and teenage years.
I can't even remember many things that happened in the past few years.
Recently, it's hard to recall what just happened like 10 minutes ago.
Detachment from conversations are pretty common too these days - this one caused by poor concentration. Which is also a result from my condition.
I guess that makes people interpret my blank out face as me being uninterested? It's too hard to focus nowadays. I can't even watch an episode of drama series without pausing and doing something else first.

I truly miss the "me" from pre-2008. At least back then I have passions to do things (even useless stuff). But now.......can't bring myself to do anything at all.

Unfortunately, I've been seeing disturbing images again.
Too soon... Only 3 months has passed and I'm on the verge of another relapse.
You know it got you bad when you start thinking and believing that it would do people good if you're not around. Maybe it is. Who knows what people really think.
I still can't bring myself to start driving again because I keep having really horrible thoughts that involve words like "rammed", "slammed", "voluntarily", and the likes. I told people I'm scared, but I don't think people really understand what I'm scared of.
I can't even see the rail tracks without imagining stupid things.
I hope this time it won't last long.
I'm trying really hard to steer clear of these thoughts.
Distract me, please?