Item 21

Recently I was hit with shocking news concerning my friends.

The first one.
A friend from KPMIM years whose blog I followed and whose situation I am aware of, lost her mother.

The poor girl, she has to face endless big trials of life.

I sincerely pray for the light to dawn upon her at the end of her dark-filled path she was forced to journey within.

The second one.

One of my dearest friends was involved in a car accident.

Apparently, she, the designated driver suffered the less physical pain (but most psychological one) among the passengers.

Her sister's still in the hospital and she's scheduled to undergo another operation.

This Author meanwhile, was in a total shock because this happened a week ago and I have no idea that I almost lose my friend.

This prompts me to ask myself, what should I do if I really lose someone who's dear to me?

How should I react?

What kind of thing I could've done to make the pain bearable?

Should I just distance myself before I become too attach to someone?

But if I do that, isn't that the path of a coward?

Am I a coward?

If I'm a coward, I would've abandon many things already and go wildly in pursuit of nothingness, no?

Actually there are more.

I just don't have the energy to write :|

I guess people can get the gist of it, eh?

Anyway,

When I reflect upon this matter, I realize that I'm capable of swallowing my pride repeatedly just to save relationships from being stomped to pieces.

And then I question myself, is it worth it?

Why in the world I want to keep being hurt for?

After I mulled over it for some time, I think I finally understand the reason.

I guess if you feel no pain, then that means one's not that into it. And when one's not into it, it's not worth to sacrifice your pride for.

I know I know.

I'm the world's biggest fool for only figuring this out now.

I believe my next quest will be this one -

to figure out my little sister.

And all this time I thought, "Now that my steps are positive ones, she'll continue to follow those steps."

A big NO I guess.

Another worm that I can't get rid of.

Post script - Entries after this will be about stuff I've read/watched. Promise!